I didn't sign up for this.

At approximately 03:00 this morning the first born ginger kitten left us to return to ginger cat heaven. Eli had nursed him the afternoon before when it was apparent that he lacked the grit and determination of the other three when it came to finding his mum's milk.

I only know it was 3am because that's when Eli presented me with a lifeless ginger body she'd lovingly removed from the cosy environment of the 'kitten corner'. I'd never had a cat die on me before, but in the early hours of this morning, faced with a kitty corpse, I remained calm, if not a little distant from the minor tragedy.

In my heart I knew that this was how nature had intended it to be. Natural selection dictates that the strong survive and the weak perish. I think I'm glad that 'little ginge' passed as soon as he did with limited knowledge or understanding of his environment. It was quick, it was merciful.

As for Adriana, the mum, I'd be lying if I said I couldn't see remorse in her eyes, a sad sense of loss for what might have been, but equally I may have misinterpreted her feline expression. Mother Nature knows best, invariably mums know best, and so with this calming mantra looping continually in my head I think it's best to brush aside the loss and continue on with minimal fuss.

This sad, touching episode has not yet come to an end, rather it has left me with a small problem. I have in my freezer a very dead 'little ginge'.

Making a decision on what to do with a corpse at 3am this morning resulted in using the freezer as a holding bay, a decision I do not regret, but one that merely sprouts newer decisions to be made.

I instantly opted for cremation but am now backtracking on that idea. Burial seems the right thing to do, but we live in a penthouse apartment with no access to terra firma.

We will need to contact a vet to get mum and kittens checked over very soon and so there is always the option for them to dispose of the body.

If I put it out for the rubbish collectors, I need to be assurred that I won't be racked with guilt afterwards. This option seems, at first, to be the quickest and easiest but I have a nagging doubt that it is not the right thing to do.

So there you have it, not the most uplifting, comic, care-free of posts but merely my musings on what's been a troublesome 24 hrs. I even forgot to mention the tremendous electrical storm that circled overhead last night. The upside to that was that I now know our winter terrace roof that runs 3/4 of the way round the outside of the apartment is not watertight.

I certainly did not sign up for this.